Let’s Make This a Trip to Remember: A Disney Vacation Story

Posted on March 7, 2010 under

They wedge a cot for me beside my parents’ bed. I decide to hit my dad’s vodka bottle, HARD! Finally, I think I have drunk myself into oblivion when my mom flips overs and farts, yes, farts, in my face! I am sure that I am going to heaven just on this trip alone.

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Change, or Be Changed. It’s Your Choice.

Posted on March 7, 2010 under

What, in the name of God, has happened? I go to the grocery store and see people in pajamas and bedroomslippers. Seriously? What, did you want to be prepared just in case you decide to catch a quick 40 winks beside the apples?

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I Don’t Believe in Divorce, I Believe in Accidents!

Posted on March 7, 2010 under

On Driving: Me: Would you like for me to drive? Her: You’re too retarded to drive! Me: (as she backs into a light pole) Congratulations! You’ve just been elected Queen of the Tards!

Me: Where are you going? Her: To hell! Me: Well, seeing as how you hold the deed I’m assuming you know how to get there.

Her: Let me out of this car right now! Me: (driving) OK. Her: Then stop the car! Me: I didn’t agree to that part of the deal.

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Supermarket Repugnance

Posted on February 21, 2010 under

Just returned from the grocery store which is always an enchanting journey. It normally starts in the parking lot where I have to dodge the 300 pound mountain cows with greasy hair talking on a cell phone and driving SUVs that they can’t handle.

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I Shall Call Her, Dances with Bees

Posted on February 13, 2010 under

My neighbors are retarded. There’s no other way to say it. And, coming from a special ed. teacher, trust me, I know…I called her “Dances With Bees” for 2 years.

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Let’s Make This a Trip to Remember: A Disney Vacation Story

They wedge a cot for me beside my parents’ bed. I decide to hit my dad’s vodka bottle, HARD! Finally, I think I have drunk myself into oblivion when my mom flips overs and farts, yes, farts, in my face! I am sure that I am going to heaven just on this trip alone.

Change, or Be Changed. It’s Your Choice.

What, in the name of God, has happened? I go to the grocery store and see people in pajamas and bedroomslippers. Seriously? What, did you want to be prepared just in case you decide to catch a quick 40 winks beside the apples?

Supermarket Repugnance

Just returned from the grocery store which is always an enchanting journey. It normally starts in the parking lot where I have to dodge the 300 pound mountain cows with greasy hair talking on a cell phone and driving SUVs that they can’t handle.